The scariest words I can say: "I deserve money."

"And photos?"

I doubt the editor knew how much that pair of words cost me. Two minutes earlier, I'd braved a whole sentence asking how much her company pays for freelance articles. And now, I wanted more.

In essence, I'd just declared out loud -- twice! -- "I am doing this for money. Your money. Give lots of it to me."

Like many people whose bachelor's degree ends with the initial "A" for "Arts," I'm plagued with an aversion to numbers and discomfort around discussing money. Working for a direct deposit paycheck, as I did for the past 10 years, worked wonderfully for me. I did my job, the little numbers in my online checking account grew bigger and smaller every two weeks, everything was peachy. Raises were annual and pretty much automated, as I accepted at face value the giant corporate mystic pronouncements involving "cost of living" and "the economy" and "congratulations."

But now, I'm freelancing. Now, I have to deal with these things or the money doesn't get dealt. Now, I have to confront the fact that I would rather fish through Dumpsters and mooch off loved ones' couches than actually ask people to trade me money for my labors.

It's slightly comforting to know I'm not alone in this. One of my favorite stories on the topic is from a Manhattan publishing executive. At least once a year, she said, each of her male employees would come to her office unsolicited to share their accomplishments, present their ideas for the future and request a significant promotion or raise. Most of the time, they got what they asked for.

The number of female employees who did the same, over the course of her 20-year management career?

Zero.

I tell this to every woman friend who's shared her anxiety about asking for compensation for her work. "Wow," they reply. "Yeah. We should totally ask for what we deserve!"

And then we go on not asking.

Until today. Today was different. I had a long-awaited interview for a job I'm highly qualified for, eager to take on and excited to share with the world. I had work samples printed, story pitches prepared and an attitude of cheerful confidence. The editor seemed eager to have me, too. And then I did it. I asked my worth.

She told me what the publication pays. A flat fee for a regular a story. Up to twice that if it's a complicated piece that gets a center spread.

The prices are fair. Industry standard. I knew, because I had looked them up in the Bible of freelance writing and on job boards and through online organizations. I'd done my research, I'd done my basic duty. And I'd also read dozens of professional advice pages that urged: "Ask for more. Go on. Find a way!"

So I said it:

"And photos?"

A flat fee per published shot -- "but for a photo package, we'll have to negotiate on a case-by-case basis."

First hurdle cleared -- I've asked to be paid. Next -- I'll negotiate when I have something strong to offer in return. Because I should totally ask for what I deserve.

And this time, I'm actually going to.

***

Here's some online resources that have helped me out. Which ones did I miss that have worked for you?

1. She Negotiates - a site boosting women's professional assertiveness - www.shenegotiates.com

2. About.com's Career Planning page - plenty of articles on the fine art of asking for what you want and deserve - http://careerplanning.about.com/od/negotiatingoffers/Negotiating.htm

3. Editorial Freelancers Association - a list of some standard industry rates - http://the-efa.org/res/rates.php

4. Daily Worth - free daily money tips for women - www.dailyworth.com